


Statement of Jonathan Sims

by Lazikade



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Autistic Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, I suppose, M/M, No Angst, Nonbinary Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Set in Episodes 159-160 | Scottish Safehouse Period (The Magnus Archives), Trans Martin Blackwood, discussion of emotions, i think??? i dunno this fic just exists, jon has trouble articulating his feelings but he does his best and thats what matters, the boys are silly and so in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:00:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29337186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lazikade/pseuds/Lazikade
Summary: "Statement of Jonathan Sims, regarding their feelings for one Martin Blackwood"Jon was never the best at understanding and articulating his emotions, but for Martin they decide to make an attempt.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 3
Kudos: 30





	Statement of Jonathan Sims

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is a little rough bc I havent written anything for fandoms in literal years!! This is also my first TMA fic,, please be gentle with me this is just me projecting and feeling tender.
> 
> Jon in my fics uses he/him and they/them pronouns. I use they/them exclusively in this fic. They're also autistic :]
> 
> Dedicated to the TMA/Mechs server I love you guys.

They wish it didn’t take them several weeks to scribble out a rough draft. _Honestly_ , one would _think_ they’d be better at this kind of stuff by now, but apparently that just CAN’T be the case, and Jon has to fumble and stumble and curse their way through something as simple as their feelings. Quite ironic, if you think about it. Having endless Knowledge at their fingertips- the ability to Gaze into someone's mind and Know every single thing. Yet here they are, struggling over something so theoretically easy. Quite frankly, it was infuriating. They weren’t used to feeling this… helpless- no, not helpless. Confused, blank. And the unwelcome emotion wormed angrily in the pit of their stomach.

Well, they’re a big eldritch creature- they can handle some introspection. Jaw set, brows furrowed, Jonathan Sims begins to finalize their statement.

\--

"Statement of Jonathan Sims, regarding their feelings for one Martin Blackwood-"

Their jaw gapes mid sentence as a loud huff of laughter brutally interrupts their words. They can’t help the irritated furrowing of their brows as they stare haughtily at Martin, whose face is aglow with mirth and surprise. "Jon seriously- you had to write it like a Statement?" The incredulous amusement in his voice makes it rise a pitch too high, and Jon squirms under the sound.

"I _told_ you it was a statement!" They shift uncomfortably, glancing- should they have written it differently? They thought it would be funny. It's been long enough, hasn't it? It should be funny. God, no it isn't- it's not funny at all. Martins _mad_. Martin _hates them_ \- they fucked up. God, they fucked up and Martin is MAD and they haven’t even gotten to the part about their feelings-

"You're an insufferable dork."

The quietness that takes over their brain gives room for stunned emptiness. _Oh_. When they look up, Martin's eyes are filled with nothing but fond amusement. His words are light, tinted with love and gentleness and not even the tiniest hint of anger. He’s not mad. Martin is not mad and Martin loves them and Martin thinks it was a funny joke. They relax with a soft smile, all traces of hurt and defensiveness driven away.

"Please continue."

They shift, glancing away from Martin's beaming grin- it's too much to take in. "Right, ah- Well, I-I just would like to clarify that it isn’t a Statement statement, it’s just for humor and, and ease for my brain-" There’s a smirk on Martin's face when they look up, almost an exasperated look, really. They suddenly feel very, very silly. “Right.” Jon clears their throat, glances tensely up once, and, with a sigh, falls into a gentler version of their old Archivist voice.

"Statement of Jonathan Sims, regarding their feelings for one Martin Blackwood. Statement given in person, directly to subject. Statement begins.”

“Ironic, isn’t it? To be able to Know everything, yet I can’t seem to grasp my own feelings. ‘Tis the nature of human-kind, I suppose- feeble, confused, and always so lost. I guess, in a way, I’m almost glad of it. Proof that something within me is human? Or at least, somewhat human. Maybe that’s wishful thinking… either way, it doesn’t matter. What does matter is that I don’t understand emotions, be them mine or somebody else's. I never have. It’s always been the one thing I was never, ever able to figure out. The complex relationships and interactions between my peers were as foreign to me as a child as they are to me now. It’s like… watching a film on mute with no subtitles, and you haven’t the slightest clue what it’s about. All you see are the movements and consequences, with absolutely no idea the context or causes or why’s.”

“Maybe it’s a little joke from the Eye, not giving me that ability when it seems to have given me Knowledge of infinite other things. I can’t help but find that amusing- I’m allowed to joke about that Martin!”

Martin’s exaggerated crossness faded as a chuckle replaced it. Soft eyes crinkled at the corners as he gazed at Jon with such adoration. Such rapture. Jon had to look away quickly and clear their throat once more- they could swear the skin on their face was going to melt if it kept getting this hot.

“You’re right you’re right- it _is_ a bit funny. You can continue.”

“AS I was saying-” they were sure to fold as much of their bitchiest tone into the words as they could, drawing out ‘as’ with so much exasperation it dripped off the tip of their tongue. That little nervous smile wouldn’t leave their scarred lips, though, despite their best efforts to look irritated. “I-I don’t know feelings. I can’t… I can’t put into words what I don’t comprehend!” The Archivist tone had fled for a moment, replaced by a classic, flustered Jon whose pitch raised quite a bit higher than really appropriate. They Knew Martin was enjoying every second of it. Christ. “So instead of- of analyzing those, I’ve decided to make a sort of… list, if you will. A list of everything I love about you, _Mr. Martin K Blackwood_.” They couldn’t keep down the smug pride that filled their chest when Martin’s soft, freckled cheeks flushed a lovely pink.

A long, shaky inhale to settle their nerves. A quick close of the eyes. The gentle Archivist voice filtered back in.

“One. I watch, in the morning, as the sunlight begins to filter weakly through the blackout curtains which cover the slightly cracked bedroom window. The swaying trees outside cause the light to dance. The sunlight has been growing stronger for the past hour, but now it has reached a point where the light shines perfectly through the small part in the curtains. The waving stream of light lays across your face every single morning. It reflects off the white of your hair, making it glow with what some may call an almost angelic quality. The dappled light makes your freckles pop against the quiet pink of your skin. For a moment, I almost wish those heavy curtains of eyelashes would lift so I could glimpse the light illuminate the rich honey-brown pools that are your eyes. They don’t, of course. Which is okay, because I sit and continue to ponder if there is a more beautiful sight than this in the entire world.”

“Two. Did you know that when you are concentrating your tongue sticks out of your lips the tiniest bit? Each time I see it, I have to suppress the smile that tries to take over my entire face.”

“Three. I think there is some kind of magic in your hands, because every time they touch me I feel my entire body vibrate with an energy I can’t even begin to describe. If I were a cat, I would purr at even the slightest of contact. It makes me feel full. It makes me feel safe. I never want those hands to leave, it feels like they were made to be with me- to be mine.”

“Four. I can never get over how warm you- _Martin_??”

The shock of terror that coursed through their entire, frail little body was so strong it nearly toppled them over. They’d just… they’d just glanced up for a second and saw those glossy tears running down the gentle slope of his cheeks- leaving behind a glistening path for more tears to follow. His hands were clasped together too, knuckles white. Without thinking, they leaned over to hold that soft face in the palms of their tiny hands- God, their hands hardly covered the stubbly stretch of skin. They hardly noticed as Martin's hands shakily covered their own, every ounce of their attention boring into the face of the man that had stolen their heart years ago. Delicate thumbs whipped away the tears that continued to flow freely.

"Martin, are you…?"

As their eyes roamed that flushed face, devouring every detail, trying to understand through sheer observation and willpower, they noticed it. A slight upward curve of the lips. A smile?

"Are you… _smiling_? Martin, what's wrong?"

The distress in their voice wouldn't leave- couldn't, honestly, with their heart pounding that fast and the residual terror coursing through their body. Honey colored eyes fluttered closed, and a breathless laugh slipped through slightly-smiling lips.

"Yes, Jon. I-" Anxious green eyes continued to stare, unblinking. " _God_ \- stop looking at me like that." Despite the light tone, Jon couldn't help but feel struck. They leaned back abruptly, lips parted slightly as they averted their intense gaze- but their hands still remained clasped gently to Martin's tear-slicked face.

"Sorry! S-sorry I'm just-"

"Jon it's alright. Calm down, _please,_ you're going to make yourself sick."

It was only now they realized they were trembling like an anxious chihuahua.

"God, _sorry_ \- I didn't mean-"

" _Jon_. For Christ's sake, hon, please let me speak," Martin's voice, breathy with a laugh, dripped with exasperation and tired fondness. He leaned back to wipe his face dry, and Jon instantly let go- hands clutching each other tightly in their lap, now the subjects of that unwaveringly intense gaze. They continued to stare as Martin's joined them moments later- large, gentle hands cupping their own small bony ones.

"I'm not upset, Jon."

He caught the quick glance thrown his way, but it was torn away with mild alarm as soon as the two pairs of eyes met.

"God, Jon, you just… caught me off guard? I mean good Lord, that was the sappiest, most romantic speech I've ever heard, and _been on the receiving end of_. And it came from _you_ , I just- it was a _lot_." Jon didn't see the smile creeping across Martin's still-flushed face. Their eyes were still fixed intensely on the interlocked hands. "In a good way!" Martin added, hastily, not lost on the distraught energy Jon was radiating out in suffocating waves.

"I… thought you were. _Upset_. With me." Jon spoke, barely louder than a whisper, after a long period of silence. Wrestling with their thoughts and emotions.

"Jon, I could never be upset with you- especially not when you're sharing your feelings. That's, like, a once in a lifetime event."

Jons lips curled at the teasing tone- something so familiar and so… comforting. So. Right.

"You got upset with me yesterday," they tried, looking up longer now to see Martin's earnest face shift into a look of utter irritation.

"That was because you set the _microwave_ on FIRE, Jon!"

"I did not! It just sparked a bit!"

"There was a _giant ball of plasma_ hovering above a bowl of soup!"

"Well it's not MY fault there was a spoon still in the bowl you handed to me."

" _GGGRRRHH_ -" The furious growl tearing out of Martin's throat just caused a bought of giggles to erupt from Jon, whose shit-eating grin grew bigger by the second. Their laughs quickly turned to shrill alarmed squeals as chunky fingers dug at their sides.

"MARTIN!!"

"You're a devil!"

"Ma r t i n- AAH! stop!!"

"No! Stop fighting!! Give in!"

"NOO!!-"

Their entire body froze as wet lips blew against their neck, stubble tickling the sensitive skin in the process.

"Oh. My God. You did not just-"

"I did."

"MARTIN!!"

Tiny fists flung out, connecting weakly with soft flesh that quaked with booming laughter. Martin just couldn't keep it in anymore- Jon's look of complete disgruntlement tipped him over the edge. The small man looked like a cat who just stepped on a piece of tape, freaked out, and was now angrily embarrassed about it. It was too much.

"I'm sorry!-" He gasped through bursts of choking laughter. "I'm sorry! You just should have seen your FACE Jon, it was so adorable."

"I am NOT adorable!" The heat in their voice was akin to the furious bite of an angry kitten.

"Aw darling I'm sorry, please don't be mad at me," Martin's voice pleaded when his laughter was under control, and Jon refused to even look at him. A deep crease furrowed their brows while a frown took over every inch of their lips.

Their indignant anger couldn't last, though, as Martin pulled the dirty trick of peppering kisses over every inch of their scarred face. The devil. Jons frown shattered in an instant, a grin creeping in its place until they couldn't stifle the gentle giggles that parted their lips.

"Okay okay, Martin, I’m not angry."

The soft man ceased his assault with a big wet kiss placed on the center of Jons forehead. When he sat back, he felt his chest clench when he looked at the flushed face sheepish in front of him.

"Thank you for sharing your feelings, love. I know it's hard."

Jon made a soft sound of agreement, glancing away for a moment before looking back.

"I love you, _Jonathan Sims_ , with all my heart."

Their heart fluttered, and they all but tipped over. But they didn't, and they smiled so broadly and tenderly before leaning in and hiding their beaming face in Martin's neck.

"I love you too, _Martin Blackwood_."

**Author's Note:**

> uhh catch me on Tumblr @ lazikade and also comment if u want im actually kinda nervous posting this???? But the gays want it so the gays got it.


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